[Soubi listens, though his gaze is focused elsewhere. His thumb continues to brush along the lip of the glass in a slow back-and-forth as he lets the narrative of Dorian's life trickle through his mind.
There are parts of it that strike him, the familiarity of being pushed, of being considered special. A prodigy. A bright future.
It becomes very difficult to untangle the love from the hurt.
Soubi sets his glass aside and slides his cigarettes out of a pocket. He doesn't immediately take one out, but that is his great desire. A familiar comfort. And, in the same breath, a thing that ties him to someone he would sooner forget.]
I didn't have a family, [he says quietly, distant and still not meeting Dorian's gaze.] My parents died when I was young. I was taken in by a guardian. Someone who knew my mother.
[Ritsu. The mere thought of him sends something twisting through Soubi. A feeling he can't articulate. He slides a cigarette out of the pack and tucks it between his lips. He pauses long enough to light it. And if Dorian wants him to smoke elsewhere, well. The conversation will just have to move. Or risk ending.]
He was all I had. He was my entire world.
[He rubs his thumb against his bottom lip. Normally Soubi is quite still, but now he is struggling not to fidget. He doesn't want to talk about this. He doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to consider what his life might have been because there is no point in it.]
I was blank. I had no destined name. No other half that would someday find me.
[Here, in this opulent house, in a dream or nightmare or whatever this place is, Soubi considers speaking the thought that has lived in him for a long time. He takes a drag, lingering over it before he exhales.
He can't.
Silent, he tucks his cigarette between his lips and holds it there so both hands are free. He unwraps his neck, revealing the scars: crude barbed wire or thorns around his neck. The word Beloved.]
[Fortunately Dorian doesn't have a problem with Soubi smoking, he has his own vices that help him to cope and he's not about to deny the man his. Granted he doesn't have an ashtray so he scoots an empty snifter the younger man's way as much to say he's fine with it as he is in offering support.]
I won't say you're lucky because you're not, if what I've seen in your memories was anything to go by then your guardian was a piece of work.
[When Dorian is honest, his honesty is typically frank and without any hidden messages. If this guardian was who Dorian surmised he was then the man was shit.]
I'm sorry that your entire world revolved around a person who had no idea how to appreciate you, Soubi.
[Dorian would have said more, but for the first time Soubi began to unwrap his bandage and reveal the scars that the mage was already aware of but hadn't seen. It was hard to look at, not because it did anything to defile Soubi, but because Dorian couldn't imagine that there was any genuine consent that went into being marked in such a way.
It made him think of cattle branding.]
Amatus [Dorian said slowly reading the word Beloved that was carved into Soubi's skin. To him the word is a term of endearment, but there's a kind of bastardization when he sees it carved onto someone. Like the meaning was changed.]
[That's right, Dorian had seen Ritsu at his finest. Soubi lingers over another drag. The word flickers through his mind as somewhat familiar - Latin? Or something.]
Seimei's name, [he says quietly.] A blank Fighter can be named once.
[Even as he says it, he thinks of Ritsuka. And he realizes that he doesn't care if it means going against this name for the rest of his life: he would dedicate himself to Ritsuka in a heartbeat. He has, in a sense, no matter how much Seimei's presence complicates matters.
Soubi leans to tap his cigarette against the empty glass. Then he sits back. Perhaps the only reason he can bear to even think about revealing more is because Dorian has already seen so much.]
I don't know what he will do here. [He's quiet for a moment, speculating far more than he ever would elsewhere.] If does not have an enemy, he will find one.
[Latin, but in Dorian's homeworld it is Tevene and it is the word for Beloved, though they use it as a term of endearment.]
I assume that there is a sense of irony in that being his name? [Or vanity] Is it necessary to Carve it into the Fighter's skin, I got the impression that it wasn't, just his...expectation.
[And it was even more vexing when Seimei said it was Soubi's choice, maybe it was, but somehow Dorian didn't get the impression that it was wholly Soubi's choice. He probably assented to the demand because pain was an expectation and it was a bit part of his life. What's a little more pain...but was it really a choice?
Dorian couldn't imagine it. A slave could choose to be subjected to all sorts of things willingly for freedoms or rewards, but there was still a power dynamic and years of systematic abuse and manipulation. Had there not been any of these things in the way would the slave be able to choose more freely for himself.
There were mind traps at play and Dorian considered them all when he looked at the scar.]
I don't enjoy complications [Dorian confessed simply] and I certainly don't go around courting conflict [he does enjoy relative ease in his life] but if he harms you, physically, mentally, or otherwise [and I find out about it was left unspoken] then there may be a few words between us.
I've never met another blank, [he admits.] But all names manifest physically.
[So, he assumes, that marking a blank fighter always means literally that: putting the chosen name somewhere on their bodies. But he doesn't know, and likely never will. Seimei's method might have been cruel, but it was his choice. Wasn't it?
He looks up when Dorian makes that last remark, as it sounds like a thinly veiled threat. Maybe not for violence, but something. And he knows that if Seimei feels the need for protection or offense, he will pull Soubi into this. In the end, Seimei's word is law. Whatever he might think or feel or want, Soubi has not been able to break that deeply ingrained need to obey.
Soubi rubs his bottom lip with his thumb and he considers all of the scars that Dorian has not seen. Ritsuka asked - commanded - that he show them once. Only once.]
So you might have to go into a bit of detail here, I'm not clear on what it means to be a Blank or the physical manifestations of these names.
[Because Dorian is naturally curious about such things, especially because it's magic and it is a kind of magic that operates very differently from his own.
There's also the fact that the more he knew the better in this situation, the better he would be able to engage, and the better he would be able to protect Soubi if it came down to it. It had crossed his mind that someone like Seimei might attempt to use Soubi to hurt him, might even attempt to get them in an opposing situation.
So the more he knew the better and the one thing Dorian had up his sleeve was Necromancy and Spirit magic, his two branches of magic that had been unaltered...clearly, this world approved of magic that inspired horror.]
I don't want anything to happen to you either, Soubi, and I hope that if there is ever a case then the matter can be settled diplomatically. I'm certain the boy was also made to be what he is, not born that way, and I can sympathize to an extent [but Dorian's compassion only extends so far] but your well being is a priority.
Fighters and Sacrifices occur in pairs. They share the same name - that name usually manifests somewhere on their bodies as they get older. Like... a birthmark. They feel drawn to each other. And, eventually, they find each other. They strengthen each other.
[He flicks more ash off his cigarette.]
Blanks don't have a destined name. They don't have a partner waiting for them. They have all the potential power of any other Fighter or Sacrifice. They can take a name once. Ritsu said they could replace partners that had died, or be used if one never surfaces.
[He sits back more, partially curled in on himself as he rests his heel on the edge of the sofa, knee against his chest. Soubi is not so convinced that Seimei wasn't born the way that he is. He's been this way for as long as Soubi has known him, and, he suspects, for as long as Ritsu had.]
So, you're a blank fighter, meaning you did not have this naturally occurring mark on your body as an identifier, and you were chosen by someone who carved this mark into you?
[That was the gist of what Dorian was understanding anyway. Dorian does want to understand as much as he can, especially if he wants to be able to help Soubi in the event of an incident.
Still, he can see that this is a very difficult conversation for him to have just by the way the younger man curls in on himself in the corner.]
Hmm...I'm here and I'll protect you...but I can see it's a bit much and we can leave it if you like.
[Soubi snubs out his cigarette and leaves it in the glass he's been using as an ash tray. He picks up the discarded bandage to wrap it around his neck again, winding it carefully. Even when the scar isn't exposed, it's still like wearing a collar. A constant reminder.]
You said you need your voice to use spells, that your spells are verbal? Is that how you know what your counter spell will be.
[Dorian doesn't require any verbal cues to cast a spell, it did make battling other mages something that was quite strategic. Dorian also understood the mechanics of this world where not all abilities worked the way one imagined, but Dorian came into this world with a select set of abilities that...clearly this world liked and left them completely intact.]
You're right [Dorian said in a very chipper voice] it's anyone who attempts to hurt you that'll need protecting.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cw: description of scars
There are parts of it that strike him, the familiarity of being pushed, of being considered special. A prodigy. A bright future.
It becomes very difficult to untangle the love from the hurt.
Soubi sets his glass aside and slides his cigarettes out of a pocket. He doesn't immediately take one out, but that is his great desire. A familiar comfort. And, in the same breath, a thing that ties him to someone he would sooner forget.]
I didn't have a family, [he says quietly, distant and still not meeting Dorian's gaze.] My parents died when I was young. I was taken in by a guardian. Someone who knew my mother.
[Ritsu. The mere thought of him sends something twisting through Soubi. A feeling he can't articulate. He slides a cigarette out of the pack and tucks it between his lips. He pauses long enough to light it. And if Dorian wants him to smoke elsewhere, well. The conversation will just have to move. Or risk ending.]
He was all I had. He was my entire world.
[He rubs his thumb against his bottom lip. Normally Soubi is quite still, but now he is struggling not to fidget. He doesn't want to talk about this. He doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to consider what his life might have been because there is no point in it.]
I was blank. I had no destined name. No other half that would someday find me.
[Here, in this opulent house, in a dream or nightmare or whatever this place is, Soubi considers speaking the thought that has lived in him for a long time. He takes a drag, lingering over it before he exhales.
He can't.
Silent, he tucks his cigarette between his lips and holds it there so both hands are free. He unwraps his neck, revealing the scars: crude barbed wire or thorns around his neck. The word Beloved.]
cw: description of scars
I won't say you're lucky because you're not, if what I've seen in your memories was anything to go by then your guardian was a piece of work.
[When Dorian is honest, his honesty is typically frank and without any hidden messages. If this guardian was who Dorian surmised he was then the man was shit.]
I'm sorry that your entire world revolved around a person who had no idea how to appreciate you, Soubi.
[Dorian would have said more, but for the first time Soubi began to unwrap his bandage and reveal the scars that the mage was already aware of but hadn't seen. It was hard to look at, not because it did anything to defile Soubi, but because Dorian couldn't imagine that there was any genuine consent that went into being marked in such a way.
It made him think of cattle branding.]
Amatus [Dorian said slowly reading the word Beloved that was carved into Soubi's skin. To him the word is a term of endearment, but there's a kind of bastardization when he sees it carved onto someone. Like the meaning was changed.]
no subject
Seimei's name, [he says quietly.] A blank Fighter can be named once.
[Even as he says it, he thinks of Ritsuka. And he realizes that he doesn't care if it means going against this name for the rest of his life: he would dedicate himself to Ritsuka in a heartbeat. He has, in a sense, no matter how much Seimei's presence complicates matters.
Soubi leans to tap his cigarette against the empty glass. Then he sits back. Perhaps the only reason he can bear to even think about revealing more is because Dorian has already seen so much.]
I don't know what he will do here. [He's quiet for a moment, speculating far more than he ever would elsewhere.] If does not have an enemy, he will find one.
no subject
I assume that there is a sense of irony in that being his name? [Or vanity] Is it necessary to Carve it into the Fighter's skin, I got the impression that it wasn't, just his...expectation.
[And it was even more vexing when Seimei said it was Soubi's choice, maybe it was, but somehow Dorian didn't get the impression that it was wholly Soubi's choice. He probably assented to the demand because pain was an expectation and it was a bit part of his life. What's a little more pain...but was it really a choice?
Dorian couldn't imagine it. A slave could choose to be subjected to all sorts of things willingly for freedoms or rewards, but there was still a power dynamic and years of systematic abuse and manipulation. Had there not been any of these things in the way would the slave be able to choose more freely for himself.
There were mind traps at play and Dorian considered them all when he looked at the scar.]
I don't enjoy complications [Dorian confessed simply] and I certainly don't go around courting conflict [he does enjoy relative ease in his life] but if he harms you, physically, mentally, or otherwise [and I find out about it was left unspoken] then there may be a few words between us.
no subject
[So, he assumes, that marking a blank fighter always means literally that: putting the chosen name somewhere on their bodies. But he doesn't know, and likely never will. Seimei's method might have been cruel, but it was his choice. Wasn't it?
He looks up when Dorian makes that last remark, as it sounds like a thinly veiled threat. Maybe not for violence, but something. And he knows that if Seimei feels the need for protection or offense, he will pull Soubi into this. In the end, Seimei's word is law. Whatever he might think or feel or want, Soubi has not been able to break that deeply ingrained need to obey.
Soubi rubs his bottom lip with his thumb and he considers all of the scars that Dorian has not seen. Ritsuka asked - commanded - that he show them once. Only once.]
I do not want anything to happen to you.
no subject
[Because Dorian is naturally curious about such things, especially because it's magic and it is a kind of magic that operates very differently from his own.
There's also the fact that the more he knew the better in this situation, the better he would be able to engage, and the better he would be able to protect Soubi if it came down to it. It had crossed his mind that someone like Seimei might attempt to use Soubi to hurt him, might even attempt to get them in an opposing situation.
So the more he knew the better and the one thing Dorian had up his sleeve was Necromancy and Spirit magic, his two branches of magic that had been unaltered...clearly, this world approved of magic that inspired horror.]
I don't want anything to happen to you either, Soubi, and I hope that if there is ever a case then the matter can be settled diplomatically. I'm certain the boy was also made to be what he is, not born that way, and I can sympathize to an extent [but Dorian's compassion only extends so far] but your well being is a priority.
no subject
[He flicks more ash off his cigarette.]
Blanks don't have a destined name. They don't have a partner waiting for them. They have all the potential power of any other Fighter or Sacrifice. They can take a name once. Ritsu said they could replace partners that had died, or be used if one never surfaces.
[He sits back more, partially curled in on himself as he rests his heel on the edge of the sofa, knee against his chest. Soubi is not so convinced that Seimei wasn't born the way that he is. He's been this way for as long as Soubi has known him, and, he suspects, for as long as Ritsu had.]
no subject
[That was the gist of what Dorian was understanding anyway. Dorian does want to understand as much as he can, especially if he wants to be able to help Soubi in the event of an incident.
Still, he can see that this is a very difficult conversation for him to have just by the way the younger man curls in on himself in the corner.]
Hmm...I'm here and I'll protect you...but I can see it's a bit much and we can leave it if you like.
no subject
[Soubi snubs out his cigarette and leaves it in the glass he's been using as an ash tray. He picks up the discarded bandage to wrap it around his neck again, winding it carefully. Even when the scar isn't exposed, it's still like wearing a collar. A constant reminder.]
It's not me who needs protecting.
no subject
[Dorian doesn't require any verbal cues to cast a spell, it did make battling other mages something that was quite strategic. Dorian also understood the mechanics of this world where not all abilities worked the way one imagined, but Dorian came into this world with a select set of abilities that...clearly this world liked and left them completely intact.]
You're right [Dorian said in a very chipper voice] it's anyone who attempts to hurt you that'll need protecting.